Attn: All Employees Re:Warped Tour
August 30, 2009
Companywide memo to:
All personnel at the CH3 home office.
Hello staff! Before we begin today’s briefing, a quick attaboy to Phil in accounting, who recently celebrated his 45th year with the organization–way to go Phil. Also, Shelia in HR gave birth to a beautiful 8 pound boy last Wednesday.
As you all know, our next sales campaign will be the Warped Tour, also known as The Van’s Warped Tour, Presented by Monster Energy Drinks and Remax Real Estate Services. We will be sending out the CH3 road team on these final dates.
Due to the complaints regarding the travel arrangements for the recent European campaign, we have decided to upgrade to a larger vehicle for this week. The vehicle will be outfitted accordingly for the 5 day journey.
The 2009 Sprinter van seats 12, has full air conditioning and internet access, and has both Xbox and DVD player. The following motion picture titles will not be allowed in the vehicle: Any recent Hollywood title containing the words Star, Galactica, Destination, Lord, or Rings. Also, please do not (Alf) bring along any Porn with the words Bone, Gusta or Chupa in the title.
At this time, approved titles for viewing during transport:
Elvis ’68 Comeback Special; Elvis ’68 Comeback Special Limited Edition; Raging Bull.
Travel Day is Wednesday, Aug 20. The satelllite facility will be leaving the Long Beach office approximately 2pm.
Update: Due to dental complications, Ricardo Martinez will not be going on this journey. Filling in as company liason will be Erik “T Bone” Petersson. Do not-repeat-DO NOT reply to this memo with your complaints. This personnel change has already been approved and Erik has promised to keep his shirt buttoned for the majority of the work day.
Travel time will be approximately 5 hours to the Mountainview area. Rooms have been reserved at the Pacific Inn.
Dinner vouchers are good for the local Chevy’s restaurant. Once again: Do not attempt to exchange the vouchers for cannisters of nitrous oxide or sexual favors.
We will be giving away a beautiful set of Mont Blanc pens to any personnel that can guess the number of pork rinds in the jug. Please submit your guess to the box in the east cafeteria, only one guess per day please.
Okay team, that’s it for the day. We will be keeping everyone up to date on the daily statistics of the tour, please monitor your workstations often. As always, have a CH3 day!