Vegan Cooking with CH3

April 16, 2010

Alright already, we hear ya…..After our recent entry chronicling our ongoing search for the world’s largest Chicken Fried Steak:

Oh My...bring 3 more and 2 to go, please!


And our step by step instructional video on making this bacon-mug-filled-with-nacho-cheese backstage surprise:

*speechless*

We started to get a lot of concerned emails from our readers.
Apparently, a lot of you have become alarmed at this behavior. Something about precariously high cholesterol levels and the well being of any domesticated animals within a fork length of Anthony.

Roasted pork knuckle before meeting Mr. Anthony......

Roasted pork knuckle before meeting Mr. Anthony......


...and after!

...and after!

In fact, our pals over at Anarchy in the Garden started to protest outside our gigs, even going so far as to throw red paint on Alf’s winter mink!


Oh sure--it's Anarchy in the Garden...but Hector says it's a police state in the bedroom!! Hey0!

What–you don’t recall our recent recipe for making these cool Black Flag bars out of peanut butter toast? Huh?

It's not my imagination...I'm having an allergic reaction!!

Fine by us. We’re not like those snooty TV chefs that frown on vegetarian behavior. And yeah, yer right. We gotta start watching our health.
I mean, we gotta stay in shape now that we’re all pushing forty *cough*

So I’m thinking today we should tackle a simpe pasta sauce, made from fresh tomatoes, basil, shallot and green onion.
That’s it.

You’ll really taste the flavors of these fantastic gifts from the garden, and if you’ll follow these simple steps you’ll be amazed by the difference attention to detail makes in your cooking.

Feel the freshness---go on!


Let me say this. You cannot make anything worthwhile with store bought tomatoes. Mealy and tasteless, they are like the shriveled testicles of Jose Canseco.

No, you’ll have to venture to your neighborhood Farmer’s Market.
Hey, why not try the one on Sundays right there on Marina Drive in Long Beach?
Yeah—that’s the one. You always wondered what the hell all those hippies with the canvas bags were doing while you were heading to the round bar at Hof’s for your hangover Bloody Mary’s!
So let’s get that Bloody and go!

mmm...I smell patchouli and birkenstocks!


Now wan’t that better than goddamn Albertson’s, hmmm?
And a big plus—on the way home you get to stop at the outdoor bar at Crab Pot and get a delicious Sam Adams in a 32 oz Mug! Make it 2, we have a lot of hot kitchen comin our way……..

What? I suppose you cook sober, your majesty?!

Alright then. We’re home with a mellow buzz, fresh vegetables in hand and feeling good about Ma Nature. Reward yerself with a pull off the ol Jamesons bottle, yeah?

Hey—this vegetarian business ain’t half bad!! Maybe a lil hackysack later on today if the weather’s nice……

Now just gotta run over to Pavillions to get a touch of olive oil.
Be right back with ya, but in the meantime go ahead and watch this wicked J-video of a cat standing up.
Ha! He thinks he’s people!!!!!

Hey kids-quick change of plans, okay?

Would you look at these beautiful short ribs those suckers had at 1.90 a pound, discounted 20% with club card!!! I had to buy ‘em, don’t ya see?

Oh come on!!! Look at that delicious fat!


Oh, shut the fuck up, Commies. We’ll get to your goddamn goat food another time, kay? But today, let’s put the fire to some beef and get this place smelling good!!!!

Braised Short Ribs on Egg Noodles:

Season Ribs and brown on all sides in your trusty LeCreusset.

shhhh...the babies are giving up their souls!!


Remove and rest, soften your root veg.
I am feeling dizzy.

What, again with the goddamn vegetables?!


Let’s kick things up, as they say, and see what kind of seasoning we have in the ol cupboard, hmm?

...and you were expecting who in the cupboard? Manny Ramirez bobblehead?

Touch of worcestershire,deglaze with a solid red, bring the meat back to the party…..

Alright, everyone back in the pool!


And let’s bring in some more taste: Paprika, Cumin, crushed Pringles.

Before you ask: No, don't try this with a Pogues cd.

Things are bubbling now.
Time for a bay leaf….

…….and what the hell, a Circle Jerks guitar pick for a lil extra zing!

I just want some Skank---well, that and some earthy flavors, hmmmm?


Are you hot? Is it hot in here?

I’m hot.

Ya know what? Hmm? Out of the Veal stock and forgot to get any beef broth at the friggin store.
Fuck.

Oh well. Really, any brown liquid will do in a pinch, so let’s see what we have on hand…..

Be creative: Here I am trying to cut open a bottle of Chivas using the dull side of a knife.

On the plus side, they now have a Wii system set up in the waiting room of Los Alamitos Hospital Emergency room!

Ah, now it’s time to cover things up, set in the oven, and let the magic of slow cooking do the rest. You did preheat to 350, didn’t ya?

I know a lot of cooks like to leave their pizza stones in the oven, to help dissipate cold spots and all that.

Me? I go with the BYO box set…..

Heh...that'll teach ya for leaving us out of your goddamn movie!

And now? Nothing to do but wait for the payoff.

Nice evening still, so might as well go fo a lil stroll down Main St, shall we?

Uh Oh....I know where this is headin....


Later that evening:

Ah geez...and the fuckin OC Register, for God Sake!...now all our Repubilcan friends are gonna know!

I’ll tell you what the bad part is. It’s not just that you stayed out all night, and woke up on a greenbelt parkbench wearing a lobster bib.

Or even though the Ribs cooked through all the thickened liquid and couldn’t be revived even with more stock and fresh veg….

Ick.


No, it’s that poor Lucy had to suffer through the night, smelling that beef simmer and the bones roast, the golden marrow finally coaxed out of its shell, butter-like gold.
She had to smell it all night, the poor dear!

Oh, the look I got when I walked in the door….

You are an ass.


Fuckin dogs.

Well, nothing that an early lunch stroll with the dog won’t fix, and guess what?

The special at Walt’s today–Short ribs on a carmelized onion marmelade.

Mmmm...did I tell you it would be worth the time?

Join us next week for Japanese style Teppan cooking ……should be fun!!

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