Don’t be Twatty!

June 9, 2009

So our man Alf sends a frenzied email, seems he’s intoTweeting now! Says it’s the greatest thing ever, especially for a musician.

Oh Alfie! Say it ain’t so! I know you’re a drummer and all, but don’t you know that meth shit will kill you? Sure, I know it’s fun to take apart VCRs, we all do that…but don’t you remember how the last CH3 drummer ended up?

Ain't much to look at, but this kid could play the shit out of Wetspots!

Ain't much to look at, but this kid could play the shit out of Wetspots!

Heh. No, you silly fuckin rabbit says Alfredo–not Tweaking,Tweeting–as in Twitter, ya dig?

How’s that? Come again? Twitter? What means this? Explain yerself!

Twitter –have you heard of it? Oh, I guess all the kids are all over this stuff. So kill us, we’re a little behind the times over here at the CH3 headquarters.

No sir, Misters MAgrann and GArdener haven't returned from lunch yet.  Would you like to talk to the bass player?  Hello?  Hello?

No sir, Misters Magrann and Gardener haven't returned from lunch yet. Would you like to talk to a bass player or drummer? Hello? Hello?

Hell, we were still making flyers at kinko’s up until last February, but my nephew set us up with a myspace page. He’s got some secret deal going on I guess, so it only costs us 105 bucks a month….seems to be workin pretty good!

OK, let me get this straight..we’re supposed to hover over our cell phones to see what Oprah or Shaq are doing every goddamn fifteen minutes? Listen, I don’t really care what Shaq had for breakfast or what he thinks of Dwight Howard these days. Now, if he would report on the approximate girth and weight of the dump he took this morning, now that would hold my interest….

Do the math, people!  Look at the size of his feet!

Do the math, people! Look at the size of his feet!

Assuming we don’t need to find out where to wait in line for Kimchi tacos, just what purpose does this newfangled thang have, hmm? It seems to me we really don’t need to hear what celebrities are doing, we get enough of that anyway. And normal people? Bleh. Yeh, I know you’re standing in line at goddamn Target, sister…that’s me right behind you, holding the 40 pound sack of Nutro Senior Dog Formula while you’re tapping away on your Blackberry!

If you’d really want compelling updates, why not just give Twitter accounts to Crackwhores? Then you’d be getting some good reading….

I’ll be on Beach and Katella after 10 by the green dumpster. The sore is closed now too.

Or:

Precious think she the best out here. Wash yo ass skank!

Sure baby....Lemmee  tweet Marcus and see what the half and half is goin' for tonite...

Sure baby....Lemmee just tweet Marcus and see what the half and half is goin' for tonite...

But we gotta roll with these changes, especially with a whole Summer’s worth of roadwork comin up. Hell it might be fun, tap out a few notes while we’re nursing Budvars on the Vlatava river. Maybe a running commentary, a little travelogue in small chapters….I know 140 words will be a tough limit, but I like a challenge. We’ll just have to switch from Fitzgerald mode into Hemingway esque, is that it?

Dear, Dear Twitter Followers:  Where do I  begin?  Last night's show was...hmm, how shall I put this?  I suppose the word I'm looking for i

Dear, Dear Twitter Followers: Where do I begin? Last night's show was...hmm, how shall I put this? I suppose the word I'm looking for i

What the fuck? One Hundred and Forty Characters?!! Oh, you’ve gotta be shitting me.

Follow your ol pals around @CH_3

%d bloggers like this: